Nobody Knew I Was Building This From a Not-so-glamorous Van in Oregon.
The real story behind my business, five years in, and a reflection on how much is quietly underneath the thing someone built that never makes it into their bio?
If you’ve seen me online (or in real life) at all, you probably know me as the person who builds websites, talks about AI without the hype, and yes, also reads birth charts. You might also know that I have a business baby, Sidler Studios, that turns five next year. You might have an idea of my story, purpose, and who I am.
People meet me, they see the tattoos, the business, the whole picture, and they think they have a pretty good read on why I do what I do. 99% of the time I don't correct them.
What they don’t know is …
I built this business so I could finally have a career that fit the whims of my sometimes extreme brain.
I have bipolar disorder (amongst some other quirks) and I've known this about myself for a long time. I was warned growing up that it runs in the family. I knew what to look for, around what age, and the probability that one of my sisters or myself might encounter it.
The issue I kept running into
What I didn't fully understand until my twenties, was what it would mean for my career or how it felt to actually navigate that as a young human in a fast-paced world.
The hospitalizations were mostly manageable for me. I had a system (like most things in life).
So much so that very few people knew what I was actually dealing with. Managing the image, perceptions, and healthcare logistics, I had down to science.
What became harder to manage was the financial and professional fallout every time I needed to step back.
The standard employment model I had been living in didn’t really have a sustainable container for that long-term.
What It Became
By the end of my twenties, there was a period where planning my business/financial independence became how I survived, and quite literally.
I was living in a van in Oregon in a situation I won't fully detail here. What I will say is that the hours I spent listening to business podcasts and filling journals weren't hobby hours.
They were the thing keeping me pointed toward something better.
I knew exactly what I was going to build once I got out: something that would actually hold the days where I am either a dark cloud or a speeding kite, without my career and finances collapsing in the wake of it.
Something I couldn’t find anywhere else. Something I would have to build myself.
When that time finally came, I did exactly what I'd planned.
I did not register the business, launch the site, and immediately make heaps of money.
I mapped the blueprint, and haven’t stopped building yet. Even during the hard and trying times.
These years later, it continues to be a journey of implementing, testing, refining, launching, pivoting, scrapping ideas, trying others, and evolving more than I ever thought would be required.
A lot of failure, a lot of unknowns, a lot of feeling like things wouldn't turn out.
Somehow things came together. Messily. Beautifully. Organically. With a lot of persistence and lessons.
Having Something to take care of
As I’ve mentioned before, my dog was my lifeline through some of those darkest years. She showed me that having something to tend to, something that needed me, was its own kind of medicine, very different than any SSRI or pharmaceutical I had ever been prescribed.
The business was a different medicine of the same spirit.
Having something to tend to, something with its own needs and rhythms, something that required my presence and my skills, kept me grounded in a way that felt sustainable.
Just like Lucie did.
What I Often Think About That
Most of you would have had no idea that any of this is why I do what I do. I purposefully don’t parade around my diagnoses, my baggage/backstory, or other little details about myself.
And I’m probably not the only person walking around with a story behind whatever it is they’ve built or chosen or become. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee it.
I think about this a lot.
How little we actually know about each other. How much is quietly being carried that never makes it into a conversation or a bio or a caption.
I wonder who in your life you might not know the full story of either. I wonder what they might share if someone asked, gave them the floor, and asked deep questions.
I wonder if people ever wonder that.
Enough to change it.
*** In case you need a disclaimer: Written by me, with AI assistance on the final edit. The experience is all mine. **
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